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推荐Neil Strauss’ 《The Truth》

我经常想象有一个人能这本小说体的书, 名字叫《Truth》, 实际上是爱欲/Eros的真相。这个作者以各个阶段的人生体验和痛苦过后的探索过程为主线, 最后让我们豁然开朗。这个作者会在书的封页上说: “I am not the hero in this story…, I am the villain.” 人们最大的狂妄是声称自己明白了爱/性/欲望, 这是一种自以为是, 因为你真的明白了就足以“觉悟”, 不需要再来地球了。这个人的最畅销书是《The Game》, pua教科书。pua, pick-up artists, 有中文翻译“把妹达人”。国内也有了专为渣男开的培训班, 如何短时期内勾引和征服尽可能多的妹子。这样的两本书的作者, 有意思吧。这本书扉页写着: People are made to need each other, but they haven't learned how to live with each other. 接着是对他女友Ingrid的警告: 千万不要读下去。stop, this is your last chance.

这本书最后引用一位荣格派心理学家的话作为结语: The best thing we can do for our relationships with others …is to render our relationship to ourselves more conscious. This is not a narcissistic activity. In fact, it will prove to be the most loving thing we can do for the Other. The greatest gift to others is our best selves. Thus, paradoxically, if we are to serve relationship well, we're obliged to affirm our individual journey. 

几段重要的摘录, 出自《The Truth》:

Excerpt from Anne's Journal: A great lesson this taught me was that if we place ourselves in our heart to make choices in new situations, we can't make any mistakes. ……I think that one of the most important things I became aware of through this experience is What It Means to be A Woman. ……I finally understand and feel what being a woman is: to become my own mother. I definitely feel the change. Since I now consider myself my own mother, I don't need to mother others anymore. I can now be in a relationship without trying to help someone. They can father themselves.

Excerpt from Ingrid's Journal: When Neil and I broke up, I feel like everything I had was taken from me. I was angry and disappointed because I gave and gave and gave, and then I was left with nothing. I feel disconnected from the world. There was an emptiness in my chest. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me that cause him to do that. ……I dated a lot to forget the feeling. …………When I split up with him, I realized that maybe The Relationship I Needed to Be in Was With Myself. …………Being alone was the best thing I ever did for myself. I've always gone from one relationship to another, hoping the other person would help me figure out who I was or complete me and make me feel whole. But it never worked out that way. When the other person didn't make me feel whole, I was left with an even bigger emptiness inside. It took the pain of the last year to realize that I Needed to stop being a half trying to find my other half, but to be whole on my own. I had to learn how to love myself. I had to learn to value myself. And I had to learn that I mattered.

[The unconscious purpose of a long-term relationship is to finish childhood. Love is nature's psychotherapy. The real obstacle keeping two lovers apart is not external. The battle to be fought is within. In the end, love is not about finding the right person. It's about becoming the right person.]

From Neil: before trauma healing, I always wanted more, more women, more success, more money, more space, more experience, more possessions. …………Now, [after healing], I say to myself, "I have enough."

page 381 "That is love. It's when two hearts build a safe emotional, mental, and spiritual home that will stand strong no matter how much anyone changes on the inside or the outside. It demands only one thing and expects only one thing: that each person be his or her own true self. Everything else we attach to love is just a personal strategy, be it effective or ineffective, for trying to manage our anxiety about coming so close to something so powerful and uncontrollable."

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